The Loon and Loki
by The Artistic Owl
Summary: Tom Hiddleston goes in search of a flatmate only to find himself faced with Loki. Hilarity Ensues. AU in which Tom isn't an actor and can exist in the same universe as his own character. Loki and the Loon parody. Loki and the Loon originally created by nooby-banana (tumbr). I don't own Loki or Tom. Thanks and enjoy!
1. Prologue

**Seeking Roommate to assist with rent payment**

**Status:** Open

**Description:** Hi I'm Tom and I currently live a nice modern middle-sized two bedroom (one en suite, which can be yours if you please) flat in central London. I could however do with some assistance in paying the rent so therefore I'm open to all people in search of somewhere to stay and who are willing to pay half a rent. I'm a pretty nice guy all round and I hope I can be a suitable roommate for most people. I respect people's privacy and will endeavour to not bother you in any way and just be generally respectful towards you. Please get in touch if you'd like any more details. Thank you.

**Notes:** I'm kind of allergic to rabbits, so uhhh, if you have an obsession or just actually own one I may not be the flatmate for you.

**Comments**

**Loki of Asgard** 12:09 25/07/14

I'll take the en suite bedroom, send me the details pathetic desperate mortal.


	2. Chapter 1 - Moving In

Tom glanced nervously at his watch; 11:57. His new flatmate and the man he would be spending at least the next few months of his life with was arriving in three minutes time. He still had no idea what to expect, and therefore he had no idea whether this man and him would actually get along. He had seemed a little... uptight during their only phone conversation, but Tom had decided that this meant he was a man of organization, and this had appealed.

A rather large removal van parked up outside the front of the flats gardens. Tom hoped Loki wasn't underestimating the size of the flat. The doorbell rung and Tom rushed down the stairs to open the door before the last bleep; he wished to make a good impression. Opening the door swiftly to behind his foot he smiled warmly and welcomingly to his new roommate, extending his hand. His smile dropped a little when he found it was not his roommate at all that was standing at the front door but a removal man. The man looked quizzically at Tom's stance before shoving a clip board and pen into his outstretched hand.

"If you could just sign here, uh, Mr Hiddleston," he said in a gruff voice.

"Uh, I'm sorry, but uh, sign for what, exactly?" Tom replied, his smile now entirely gone as he saw a bill for £399 hanging loosely from the clipboard. "I don't seem to remember ordering any sort of..." his voice trailed off as he read and quickly re-read what the bill in question was for, "throne."

"Well it wasn't actually you who ordered it sir, but a, uh, Mr Odinson? It was only billed to you," the now turned delivery man answered.

"Loki, Odinson?" Tom scowled as he realised this bill was from his flatmate-to-be, what a great start, he thought. He supposed he'd have to wait for 'Mr Odinson' to arrive and settle things then. He signed the bill disgruntled, and went to turn and close the door.

"Excuse me sir! You haven't had the item delivered yet, it's still in the van!" the driver said, catching him in the doorway.

"Delivered?" Tom asked curiously.

ooo

Tom sunk exhausted into his living room sofa, still a little out of breath from hauling the throne along with the delivery man up the two flights of stairs to Loki's bedroom. What in God's name was Loki thinking of? A golden throne. An actual golden throne. Shinning and regal and _gold_. Tom had stared perplexed at the item for a long time before finally leaving the room, clueless and quizzical as to why Loki even needed a golden throne, and as for why he was required to pay for it? Well he hoped that was just a simple confusion between the shipping address and billing address.

He glanced back down at his watch; 12:38. Perhaps not quite as organized as Tom had previously thought. He walked into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of tea, scorning himself for not offering the poor delivery man one before he'd left. Leaning against the kitchen unit he sighed, what exactly was he letting himself in for? At that moment the doorbell rang and he jumped up sloshing tea over his jacket and hand as he rushed for the door. Opening it he performed the same manoeuvre as before outstretching his now tea soaked hand to greet his new flat mate.

ooo

Loki stared glumly at his new pathetic excuse even a mortal midguardian flatmate. He didn't take Tom's outstretched hand but instead decided to introduce himself.

"I am Loki, of Asgard, and I am burdened with glorious purpose. Fear me puny mortal man as I am a God, and you are a mere speck compared to my glorified excellence, so put your pathetic excuse for a handshake away and kneel before me!"

Loki smiled content on seeing his new flatmates confused hurt expression, but his mood soon changed when he realised the man wasn't kneeling.

"I said, KNEEL!" he yelled so loudly that it scared the neighbour's dog.

ooo

Tom's hand had slowly dropped to his side as his new flatmate introduced himself. He was rather hurt at being called puny and pathetic and was also enraged that his new flatmate was treating him in such a disrespectful way.

"Now forgive me, as I don't want to get off on the wrong foot, but I hardly think that's necessary, and I certainly will not be kneeling to anyone this afternoon. I'm Tom, as you might have guessed, and I am offering you half of this flat for half of it's price. You don't have to agree but you appeared perfectly happy with the agreement when it was settled, and therefore I welcome you to my, now our, house, and I ask you to respect me and it as much as I will try to respect you," Tom now wore a stern expression on his face, determined to get his point across. He was not going to be pushed around by this man.

ooo

Loki sighed, it seemed this Tom wasn't going to be quite as easy to rule as it had first seemed. It didn't bother him for long however as he realised he could just ignore the man.

"Do not think for one second mortal that I am accepting your petty bargain, however I will need somewhere to stay for the time being and have therefore been forced here. You'll find most of my belongings will have appeared around the house, don't touch anything. Now, show me to my chamber." Loki looked expectantly at Tom, who only seemed to be giving him a quizzical look.

ooo

Tom led Loki through the house showing him where everything was until they at last arrived at Loki's bedroom. It was indeed true that Loki's belongings had materialised randomly around the house and Tom wished he'd known how but decided it was better not to ask. Loki had stayed quiet throughout the tour and had only sighed dully when they entered each room. It had always surprised Tom to find a random otherworldly object on the table or floor but every time he caught himself before saying anything not wishing to set Loki off again.

He was however quite shocked to enter the once empty room (except throne) that was to b Loki's bedroom now suddenly adorned with many a strange object and many a golden one too.

"What the-," he started.

"Ah!" Loki interrupted, "I see you received the throne. I trust everything went all right with the delivery?"

"Well, actually, the only problem was you accidentally billed it to me," Tom replied.

"Oh, that was no accident, I thought you could give it to me as a welcoming gift," Loki replied calmly as if forcing a gift of £399 on someone was entirely normal. It took Tom all his strength not to freak out majorly.

"And, does this mean I get a gift from you?" he said hopefully, feeling rather selfish, but only fair in the current situation.

"Of course!" Loki replied, "That was the bill."


	3. Chapter 2 - Tea and Biscuits

After Loki had settled in to his new room, Tom had been quite relieved to leave him and went back down to the kitchen to pour himself another cup of tea, hoping this time he would be able to drink it. Taking a sip the thought came to him that Loki was probably quite tired from moving in and could probably also do with a cup, and maybe a biscuit.

Reluctantly, once the idea had come to him he simply couldn't ignore it, after all it was only polite and until Loki had really settled in Tom was almost playing host to him. Ten minutes later Tom had assembled eight different varieties of biscuit on a plate and had carefully balanced a cup of tea, with sugar and milk next door, on a tray along with them.

Making his way carefully up the stairs he reached Loki's bedroom that thankfully was the nearest to the stairs on the right. Taking a deep breath and preparing for the worst he knocked gently on the door. Loki responded a little less gently,

"Speak mortal!" he yelled.

"Uh," Tom was quite taken aback from Loki's response, he cautiously peaked his head around the door, "I was wondering if you would like some tea," he popped the tray round too, "and perhaps a biscuit?" he smiled hopefully at his grumpy looking flatmate.

Loki looked at his flatmate bemused to his balancing skills of the tray which seemed to be dangling ever further to the floor. Unsure, but still appearing uninterested, he took the tray from Tom, expecting him to leave. He didn't, but seemed to hover for a while.

"Yes...?" Loki asked.

"Oh, um... sorry, I just thought we could... uh... get to know each other a bit?" Tom looked positively terrified; Loki had clearly made a better impression than he'd thought. Still, he couldn't see any harm in learning a bit more about his new flatmate, after all, it could come in useful.

"Go ahead," he gestured to a chair before taking one opposite and placing the tea down on a table.

Tom walked cautiously to the chair and took a seat. "Would you like me to pour you a cup?" he asked realising is flatmate hadn't touched the tea tray, and had seemed slightly unsure of it when he'd been offered it. Loki seemed to nod and so Tom carefully poured two cups. "Sooo..." Tom's voice trailed to silence, now what?

"What do you do mortal?" Loki asked coldly. He'd already taken the tea cup in his hand and was swirling it thoughtfully. Glad that he didn't have to start, he decided to continue the interrogation.

"Currently I'm trying to pursue some sort of career in the arts, maybe acting, Shakespeare's always appealed," Loki seemed clueless as to what Tom was talking about but Tom hoped that he was just thinking. "And you...?

"I have a somewhat complicated life, I'd rather not go into it," Loki replied swiftly, he lifted the tea cup to his mouth, and Tom wondered how on earth anyone could drink tea that soon, but he was soon given his answer as Loki spat it out in a spectacular spray.

"What is this tea mortal?!" he screamed loudly, "Are you trying to kill me? That liquid is boiling hot!"

"That's what tea is, you have to wait for it to cool," Tom said trying to calm Loki. "I can remember the first time I tried some, I did the same as you. Where are you from again, anyway? Most people around here know what tea is. Asflart, or something...?"

"Asgard, you won't have heard of it, it's a little out of your scope I'm sure." Loki said, drying himself from the tea he'd spa across his lap.

"Really? No , I'm afraid to say I haven't, where about is it?" Tom took in it Loki's pale slightly thin frame, he looked as if he'd come from somewhere rather cold. "Canada? Alaska? Antarti-"

"As I said, it's a bit out of your scope I'm afraid." Loki eyed up one of the many biscuits, "Will these burn me as well?"

"No, no, perfectly safe." Tom stared bemused at Loki, where on earth had they not seem tea and biscuits before. Definitely out of his scope. "I'd love to hear about Aztart-"

"Asgard."

"Yes uh... Asgard, what sort of place is it?

"The golden city..." Loki replied dreamily, though with a hint of sarcasm, "Filled with oafish brutes who have no idea what's good for them. They're just as pathetic as you mortals to be honest, just a little stronger." Loki chuckled.

"Well that sounds like a great place, though I must admit I've never even heard of it. Where is it, Loki?"

"I've said...-"

"Yes I know, out of my scope, but I'd quite like to expand my scope you know." Tom was determined to get this out of Loki, he was so intriguing in his ways.

"If you really must know, it's one of nine realms of this universe. This Midguard is one realm, another is Asgard." Loki looked up to see Tom's confused face, "I did say you wouldn't understand."

"No, it's just the first I've ever heard of such a place, how do I know you're telling me the truth, or just pranking me?" Tom was unsure now, Loki seemed sincere, but perhaps the whole of this afternoon was just some big charade to catch out his new flatmate.

"Because I can do this," Loki clicked his fingers and the table and tea tray disappeared into thin air, before returning again after Tom had let out a murmur of exclamation. Loki enjoyed this, Tom looked so amazed, baffled and terrified at the same time, he decided to continue, making things fly across the room at his command, before at last changing to his blue frost giant form. It was at this that Tom let out a wail.

"Okay, I believe you, but I honestly have no idea what I'm supposed to make of all this," he muttered with a broken voice. Loki had seemed to enjoy terrifying the living daylights out of him. Everything returned to normal and Loki began wildly laughing at his flatmate.

"Great, I'm also a Frost Giant, but I'll leave that for another time!" Loki said through long gasps from his cackling.

Taking another biscuit, Loki handed Tom the tray, thanked him for the tea and lead Tom to the door. Once Tom reached the kitchen he put the tray down and sunk down the kitchen cupboards staring in a dazed confused manner at the wall. Loki was an alien. He had an alien for a flat mate. He decided to take comfort from the fact that Loki appeared to like him, and went to lie on the sofa to let it all sink in.


End file.
